we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
