Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
