Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize