can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
