Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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