what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
