I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
