Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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