Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
