you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
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