And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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