Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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