i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just want to make out with him forever
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
