This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
