Betty ford says i'm here all night
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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