She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
