fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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