I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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