i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Randomize
