Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
