I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize