We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
