Sry I called you an 8
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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