I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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