We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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