You're completely useless in the revolution.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize