can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
she woke up with a sticky ear
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
