So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
