Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
