I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
