I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
