I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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