Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
