Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
