Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
