he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
