shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
