I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
