Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
