Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
