honey bunches of taint.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
