he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize