my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
