she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
