you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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