you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
