I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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