Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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