Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
