I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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