you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
