We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
