$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
