Screwed.edu
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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