We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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