you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
