I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
