I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
