its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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