It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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