i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
