I just saw a hot homeless man
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
