hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
