Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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