You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
