let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize