Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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