Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
