I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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