Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize