I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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