Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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