Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
