I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
