I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
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