yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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