do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
