If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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