Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
