i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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