I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
