just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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