I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
he puts the penis in happiness.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
