Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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