addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
