kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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