I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
