dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
