You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
