I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
