K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
It's just like the Real World with babies
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
