His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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