If i come over, it means nothing
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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