I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
